Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Day 24: Procrastination is King

I'm a slacker, not by nature, but it has become second nature. I like to feel the anxiety and pressure that comes at the last minute, it's a bit of an adrenaline rush that I relish and crave. Yes, it sounds silly to sit around when I could take my time to do something slowly but it's less fun to do so.

One thing I feel that I haven't been procrastinating on is worry. I worry about a lot of things, the stability of my job, the well-being of my friends and family, my job, my love life, whether or not I contribute anything to society, did I mention my job?! Growing up, I was always told that things will work out in the end. When the boat approaches the dock, it will naturally straighten itself out. I still subscribe to this belief (which I could credit with my procrastinating ways) but sometimes there's that one thing that makes you question your faith in it. In a world where all things are possible, could it be that this is the instance in which I fail?

My family parents don't approve of my life choices thus far. They think my job is stable but too far away. They think my friends will lead me astray and down a path of self-destruction in which afterwards they will abandon me in some dark alleyway and point and laugh at me. They think the guys I fall for are all wrong for me (with the exception of Benedict Cumberbatch, they've been right so far), including the one I'm seeing now. They think I'm too loud, too sloppy, and just a bit too hot-tempered to be the perfect girl, the one who's desired by the perfect Chinese man they expect me to marry. They think I'm slacking in all of these areas but out of all the things I worry about, these are at the bottom of my list. Perhaps it's the trust I have in these people, after all, a lot of them have rightfully earned it. Friends can be like your family and some members of your family end up becoming mere acquaintances. I procrastinate on a lot of things but there's a plan out there somewhere. It might look like I'm slacking but I'm just finding a way to point my boat towards the dock. I can at least be afforded that right?

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